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  • Marriage Breakdown
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Building Trust in Your Relationship-Part One

Simply said: A relationship in which Trust is missing is not a fun relationship. Without trust in your marriage you live a life of ill ease and cannot feel safe sharing your emotional, physical and spiritual self with your partner.

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How to Manage Anger in Your Relationship

Anger is an emotion that although not classified as either good or bad can damage a relationship if it is not understood or dealt with in an appropriate manner. It is only human to get angry now and then at issues that are important to us. However if your fuse is ignited by every small thing and you have only limited ability to control your anger, you may slowly be destroying your relationship. It may be too much to ask your partner to be a willing recipient of such emotions.

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How to Avoid Assumptions And Create A Shared Vision Instead

Imagine this scenario. You and your partner are sitting down at your favourite restaurant chatting away about this and that, when suddenly your partner starts talking about the skis and kayaks you are both going to buy and the great beach resort holiday you are both going to have so as to try out your new toys.

All this is news to you. You do not recall any conversation in which you agreed to buy skis and kayaks and then head off to some resort. What you do remember is listening to your partner enumerate all the things they wanted to purchase with the bonuses you both had just received. You remember smiling, nodding your head to show interest and then in saying, “Good ideas, I have some more thoughts let’s talk later.”

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How To Communicate Assertively In Your Relationship

Couples when they get married usually believe that they are on an equal footing and that marriage or their decision to live together gives them the permission to express their feelings and wants with an expectation that they will be respected, to state their views and opinions with an understanding that they will be listened to, and to say “no” openly without feeling guilty.

This does happen in many partnerships but there is no guarantee that it will in all, for sooner or later many couples will feel the discomfort of an imbalance in their relationship. This disparity will become noticeable when for instance one partner asks their partner to do something that they don’t want to do. It may be something simple as to go out with people they dislike, or more complicated as packing their bags and moving away from family and friends. In either case due to one partner’s inability to say “no” they submit to the request thus magnifying the inequality in the relationship.

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How to Stop Procrastination from Stopping you Creating the Life you Want

Most of us are guilty of procrastination at some time in our life. If you stopped to think about how much time was spent ‘avoiding doing’ you’d probably all gasp in horror. I admittedly while away what should be productive time, indulging in crossword puzzles and losing myself in the trees across the street. I justify this by saying I am meditating. But do I really believe this?

The fact is that it is not always easy to stay focused, motivated and enthused to do the things you like, and it may almost seem impossible to tackle those tasks that trigger negative thoughts and patterns and produce procrastination.

So Why Do you Procrastinate?

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How to Break the Hold of Jealousy

Our society witnesses episodes of jealousy in every walk of life. Siblings vie for the love and attention of their parents, and become jealous of their brothers and sisters who they feel may be stealing affections that are rightly theirs. Workers are jealous of colleagues who receive rewards and recognition, while they themselves experience a loss of self worth at failed attempts to gain promotion and move forward. Couples seeking the approval and acceptance of ‘higher society’ become jealous of their neighbours who are easily admitted into all the ‘right’ places. Such couples end up feeling humiliated and embarrassed by their so called loss of prestige.

The most common jealousy is that found in romantic relationships, and it is this jealousy that we will explore in this blog article.

Jealousy is often referred to as the “Green Eyed Monster”. And rightly so. I am not too sure about the ‘green eyes’ but a monster it is! Anyone who has experienced the wrenching fear of loss, the anxiety laden debilitating thoughts, and the irrepressible bursts of anger, can easily justify this claim. You yourself know how horrible you feel as you lose your sense of self, and transform into a self doubting, accusing, hostile and belligerent individual.

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Six Options for Building Healthy Self Esteem

In the previous article you looked at the various factors that influence your self esteem and determine why some people have high self esteem and others low self esteem. You saw that your nature, nurture, locus of evaluation and self talk all contributed to creating your self image. Knowing why you feel the way you do about yourself may empower you take some steps to change your unfavourable self concept.

As nature refers to our inherited personality predispositions and nurture to our environmental influences there may be very little that you can do to change these, and it therefore could just be the ‘luck of the draw’ that determines your nature/nurture makeup. You may have more control over your environment as you get older, but a lot of damage may already have been done in the early years.

So what power and control do you have to change your negative self perception?

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Influences that Determine Self Esteem

One of the most troublesome concepts we have to deal with today is that of Self Esteem. It is the source of many emotional responses and psychological malfunction. Anger, anxiety, depression, passivity and aggression can all be attributed to some extent to Self Esteem. Lack of motivation and drive, procrastination and the inability to succeed can also point a finger at Self Esteem.

Self Esteem relates to the way you see yourself. In itself it is not a problem, but as it is an evaluative word and you use it to appraise the level of regard you have for yourself, it can become a problem. How you live your life is very much influenced by your level of self esteem. A person with high self esteem will most likely see them self as a worthy individual deserving a good and successful life. A person with low self esteem will most likely judge them self as unworthy and inferior to others. They wouldn’t expect much joy from life and in fact would believe they deserve disappointment and misery. In this way your self esteem becomes a  judgmental statement qualifying the life you live.

So why is it that some people have High Self Esteem and others Low Self Esteem?

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How Collaborative Parenting can save Your Relationship

Over the last fifty years the fabric of our society has been stretched, twisted and patched to the extent that not much remains of the organisational structure that defined the relationships of our parents and grandparents. When it comes to relationships- anything goes! Both men and women work and the traditional gender roles of wife the homemaker and husband the breadwinner hold a minority status. Lacking guidelines, a book of instructions, or realistic Ken and Barbie dolls for them to model many couples follow an ad hoc process and define their relationship as they live from day to day.

And this in many cases bar a few hiccups works quite well for awhile. It is with the birth of the children that chaos strikes and the administrative functioning of the relationship may be disrupted.

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A Step by Step Guide to Problem Solving

No matter how much you love each other, how effective your communication and how committed you are to each other, relationships are mercurial and still may experience problems. Sometimes the problem is a one off event that is quickly resolved to the satisfaction of all involved.

At other times the problem may be a long term niggling irritation that pops in and out of the relationship slowly building to an explosive level. Problems may become the resting place for resentments, accusations and petty nuances, and if left to sit in silence may suddenly voice themselves in anger and hostility. Problems that are ignored or inappropriately managed have the potential to cause irreparable damage and the termination of a once loving relationship.

It would logically follow that if couples had an effective tool to help them solve their problems amicably that more relationships could be saved.

This did seem to be the case for Helen and John.

Helen and John’s Story

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